she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
