After last night, I could never be a politician.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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