She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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