Cold hands, warm shart.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
