I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
