this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
