well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
