Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
