oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
