I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
