I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i love accidental penises.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
