you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I forgot wine drunk hurts
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
