I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
