I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
