I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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