I cannot find my penis.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
