he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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