you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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