Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize