just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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