is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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