I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize