I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
