i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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