He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
