her vagine was all disorganized.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
