i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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