I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
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