what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
