wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
