Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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