So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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