your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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