so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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