i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
