I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
