We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
