captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize