are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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