when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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