I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
