It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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