Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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