woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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