boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
