dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
