My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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