i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
