i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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