I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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