You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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