Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
