just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
