So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
