just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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