so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
