This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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