I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
