how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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