Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm passing your future prison.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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