On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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