you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
