well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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