So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
