so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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