Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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