As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
