Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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