Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
