Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
There r osticjed everywhere
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
