come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
